Friday, October 31, 2014

Last Year's Unposted-Post: Being a Solo Mama During the Holidays

This Halloween Luca woke up with the stomach bug (so not fair) so we laid pretty low. By night time the throwing up had subsided so we hit up a couple houses, all to find the flooding of emotions coming from mama Simba (me). Seeing all the kiddos and their dads trick or treating made me feel an overwhelming sinking feeling. Correct me if I am wrong but I feel like Halloween is kind of a dads thing. I dream one day of "dad" taking Luca trick or treating and me staying home drinking wine/eating popcorn dressed as a witch handing out candy to trick or treaters.

This will be Christmas number 3 as a solo mama. I LOVE LOVE LOVE Christmas, and all holidays in general. Christmas for me as a child was such a magical time. I think I "believed" until I was a teenager.
Luca will be four years old (OH MY GOD) in February, so things like holidays are starting to get more real and not just a day when she literally could care less what is happening. I no longer have to worry about her tearing the Christmas tree down one bulb at a time.
We spent Christmas as a family Luca's first year of life. Nothing sticks out as being special about it, besides the fact that we had a healthy bundle of joy who was an angel sent from the heavens.
I love it when December 1st roles around, lights go up, spirits are high, strangers exchange smiles more freely, tacky Christmas movies air on t.v., velvet party dresses come out on the shelves, and people are ready to party!!

Doing everything on my own poses as a challenge. I try my hardest to play mom and dad roles but the fact of the matter is I am a girl and I cannot do some dad things. I'm just not willing to use a power drill, and I really REALLY hate taking the garbage out!!
Being alone (without a mate) becomes more apparent during these next few months, loneliness is a total "thing" it exists and it is really hard. I continue to keep calm and carry on through raising my beauty.

1 comment:

  1. Well sweetie, as you know, I too did it all alone and it definitely wasn’t easy. From the time Ryan & Mandie were 1 & 3 it was all on me but strong ladies like us really can “do it all”…we have to. The hardest part for me was the emotional “guilt” I had because of them growing up without their dad. Even though not having their dad involved was definitely NOT for my lack of encouragement, I still carried the guilt.
    The other day I came across a book called “Why a Little Girl Needs a Daddy”. I got about three pages into it and just began sobbing. I am 54 years old and Mandy is 31 and I STILL feel so much sadness and ANGER that she didn’t have a daddy in her life. But really, just look at her. She turned out to be such a wonderful young woman! Was the lack of a daddy really so bad? I wanna say no but there’s still that damn guilt…
    Anyway, I guess I just wanted say, you are not alone in your feelings and that while it’s not “fair” or even right, it’s not the end of the world. You are doing such a great job and really that’s what will really help her become the awesome young lady she is sure to become. Hang in there baby, you got this :o)