Friday, October 31, 2014

Last Year's Unposted-Post: Being a Solo Mama During the Holidays

This Halloween Luca woke up with the stomach bug (so not fair) so we laid pretty low. By night time the throwing up had subsided so we hit up a couple houses, all to find the flooding of emotions coming from mama Simba (me). Seeing all the kiddos and their dads trick or treating made me feel an overwhelming sinking feeling. Correct me if I am wrong but I feel like Halloween is kind of a dads thing. I dream one day of "dad" taking Luca trick or treating and me staying home drinking wine/eating popcorn dressed as a witch handing out candy to trick or treaters.

This will be Christmas number 3 as a solo mama. I LOVE LOVE LOVE Christmas, and all holidays in general. Christmas for me as a child was such a magical time. I think I "believed" until I was a teenager.
Luca will be four years old (OH MY GOD) in February, so things like holidays are starting to get more real and not just a day when she literally could care less what is happening. I no longer have to worry about her tearing the Christmas tree down one bulb at a time.
We spent Christmas as a family Luca's first year of life. Nothing sticks out as being special about it, besides the fact that we had a healthy bundle of joy who was an angel sent from the heavens.
I love it when December 1st roles around, lights go up, spirits are high, strangers exchange smiles more freely, tacky Christmas movies air on t.v., velvet party dresses come out on the shelves, and people are ready to party!!

Doing everything on my own poses as a challenge. I try my hardest to play mom and dad roles but the fact of the matter is I am a girl and I cannot do some dad things. I'm just not willing to use a power drill, and I really REALLY hate taking the garbage out!!
Being alone (without a mate) becomes more apparent during these next few months, loneliness is a total "thing" it exists and it is really hard. I continue to keep calm and carry on through raising my beauty.

Monday, October 27, 2014

A (250) Kind of Girl

I have a hard time letting go of my Solomama handle. In my heart and my head I think i will always be a Solomama. One of the scariest things I've ever done was cancel my Vancouver- 5029 number…

In my head I'm like….uuuuuuhhhh I just don't know if I am ready, this means I have for sure moved and can never go back. I could never live in Vancouver without my 5029 number! So now I am here to announce I am now a (250) kind of girl. I always wanted to be a 250 kind of girl. When I met Ben I hoped that one day I would be a (250) kind of girl.

What does this this in entail?

It means that I (we), Luca and I, said bye to our old life and moved to a town that has no cell phone service, to a place where you cut down your own Christmas tree, and the bar is the store- that used to be the post office. The city is so far away, and I couldn't be happier. I still love rocking my leather jacket and my red lipstick, although it seems silly next to studded jean pockets, affliction shirts, and cowboy boots. I promise my jeans will never be sparkly and studded, but I must say I love it. The adjustment period has been a little bit tough, its so quiet sometimes it freaks me out. Some people thrive in the big smoke, for me, I need solitude, I need it to be serene to find out exactly who I am again. The city is a good place to live if you solidly know who you are, or if you don't ever want to know who you are. Something was always screaming at me there, whether or not it was leather shoes, street tacos, a new knit sweater to add to the 68 new knit sweaters I already had. I needed a rest from it all, and this is the perfect place.


I won't to sit on my couch and brag to you all why he is so amazing, and why this is so perfect, that he runs me bubble baths, brings me flowers, tells me he loves me every five seconds, and that Luca calls him daddy, and we are going to Paris as a family next month, and I picture our wedding on a sandy beach in Thailand and soon there after I will be pregnant with our offspring, because none of that is the true. But what I can say is that, he has opened up his home, heart, and life to Luca and I, which to me is the most romantic thing in the world. The best way to sum Ben up is that he makes me feel like I'm home. It's that simple. I have nothing to prove with him, I don't need to throw a "meet Ben party" I don't need to group text all the dirty deets, and Insta 20 photos a day. I'm finally feeling an immense amount of solitude and clarity into who I want to be, and what I want in my life, the journey never ends to find it, but this is a GREAT start.

Let's hope one day I will except the fact I am a Not-So-Solo-Mama-On-the-Move anymore.

Moving day.

P.s. He totally runs me bubble baths.