Please note: I do not sleep with married men; that woman next to you on the bus is not me.
Ok I must do a Christmas update. This time last year Luca and I were swimming with the turtles in Costa Rica, Christmas was the last thing on my mind. Quite frankly it did not exist. This year was the opposite. My spirit was back and I was ready for whatever came to me emotionally and interestingly enough physically. I invited r.a.w. over to share our daughter's joy on Christmas morning. We planned on it for weeks. Half of my family lives in northern b.c. My mom (like an angel), Ty, and I boycotted Christmas up there this year so that Ryan could have a chance to see Luca on the special day. My mom spend the morning by herself instead of waking up with Luca so that she wouldn't make r.a.w. feel any sort of uncomfortableness. We had planned on meeting her in the afternoon for brunch. We woke up to a living room full of presents from Santa, it was so magical. We moved very slowly in hopes that r.a.w. would soon arrive to join in on the magic. Text after text and no reply. Nothing. No call. No text. No knock on the door. He. just. never. showed. up. (My palms are so sweaty writing this.) If I have a stroke someday I guess you'll all know who to blame. Trying to pull myself together, I called my mom and told her about the no show. You know when you chin starts to go and you can't stop it and the maj cry is about to explode through your blood cells? This is what was happening to me on this supposed to be "oh so magical day." Once again he ruined something. For the 6 billionth time he ruined everything. Thankfully Luca is too young to really understand that her father slept in till 1:00 p.m. on Christmas day instead of spending it with her. Soon enough it will be her calling to tell him he is a piece of dog shit. Maybe when that day comes, he'll actually start to believe it and change it.
"What are you talking about Jenna, my phone died, stop being so mean." "YOUR PHONE DIED? GO EAT SHIT." The "phone died" excuse is laughable at this point. Get a new phone, get a new life, get a new brain you dumb-ass. I thought it couldn't be possible to feel a hurt stronger than the hurt I felt when he left me for another woman. Oh was I wrong. The hurt of him not showing up on Christmas morning for his daughter is a kind of hurt that I never knew existed in my bones. It's the throwing up feeling. It's the I want to run my foot over with a lawn mower feeling. It's the I am going to break into his house at night and light his head on fire with a blow torch "Home Alone" stylez.
Whoah- I just held my breath for that whole paragraph. -So dizzy.
We packed our things and headed for brunch with my grandma, brother, and mom. I couldn't stop drinking champagne. Seeing my mom rescued my drowning feelings a bit, but I still felt terrible. We went back to my her cabin, opened more presents, and had a wonderful dinner with some close point bob friends.
The events that happened later that peculiar Christmas night, completely healed all the terrible feelings that r.a.w. had given me earlier that day. I would like to thank the person whom was involved with what happened that that night, too bad I can't. Nor can I write about it.
At least I am refreshed and ready to start a New Year.
|Obsessed with this lipstick at the mo. Ruby Woo by MAC.|
|I wonder where this girl gets her drama from?|