Thursday, October 18, 2012

Sleep: It makes the world go round

I am having the laziest day of my life. Luca is at her daddy's and I am doing absolutely nothing. After lounging on the couch all morning I had a visitor who brought me lunch, then I had a bath it was way too hot so I got out and curled up with Ellen Degeneres. One of her guests today was Nicole Richie; she was talking about motherhood and saying that she wakes up at 5:00 am so that she can have two hours to her self before her kids wake up. This, to me, is sociopathic.
Luca was up every two hours on the dot until she was 13 months old.  I believe parenting does not stop at bedtime. We as mommies parent 24/7. Even in the depths of the night. This BLOWS. It is so hard. So so so so so hard. My friends all told me- let her cry, let her cry, let her cry. My best friend would come over countless nights and I would try letting her cry for tops one minute, it made my skin itch. He was mind boggled. He just didn't understand, it was so easy for him to hear it.
At 13 months I couldn't physically do it anymore. I had not had REM sleep since before my pregnancy. I think I was starting to show signs of schizophrenia. I said to myself. "Ryan is going to leave you if you don't train our baby to sleep." So I attempted it. My amazing friend who has 3 beautiful boys came over and sat on my couch with me and we listened to the agonizing, heartbreaking , terrible, death-defying sound of Luca bawl her face off. It was one of the worst things I have experienced in my whole entire life. I wished she could have moved in with me for the week to help me through, unfortunately she had he own children to mind to. She left, and I camped on the couch for the night, I left the t.v. on so it drowned out the sound. It didn't drowned anything, I woke to every wimper. I sat outside her door crying with my girlfriends voice in my head "you are strong, you can do it." I thought about how beautiful and normal her boys were after being sleep trained. If they are, Luca will be.
It took two nights. After those two nights she was a new person. She wasn't day tired anymore. She was the happiest baby on the block. She knew how to put herself to sleep and we were walking on clouds. A week later everything changed and she was back to night waking again. But not as bad because she had taught herself to fall back to sleep, without the joys of booby.
When she turned two I got her a big girl bed and now she sleeps pretty good. 3 nights out of 5 she has night wake ups, which in my eyes is normal and acceptable.

This is the most common thing mothers talk about. "Ya hi, nice to meet you; does your baby sleep?"
I think we as moms need to realize that we cannot expect our little ones to just magically sleep one day. They will sleep through the night when they are ready. No-you do not need to switch to formula. No you don't need to feed your 4 month old rice cereal. All you need to do is be patient, and if possible, nap when they nap, and of course-go to bed early.

I do not promote the CIO method, I guess it did work for us, but it was terribly heart breaking, I don't know if I will do it with my next.

The bastard had plans on leaving me no matter if our baby slept or not.

A rare occasion

Luca and Max. Max never sleeps. Never has (except this once).

Ya you better! I gave up my LIFE for you!!!!!

Sleeping angel

Chance of suffocation you say? 

Saved by the bell

I am loving school. Even though my math class is heinous, I somehow get a thrill out of it. My teacher is out of this world, he literally lives for math. He talks about it like it's his child. When he's in front of class teaching (for FOUR hours) he truly believes that we are enjoying what he is teaching. Each and every one of us. Like I said it's a four hour block, which is mind boggling to me,  halfway through he always says "Oh..I guess we should have a break?" Like actually expecting us to say... "nah, why would we want a break?!" So he gives us an equation and says, "ok, you are welcome to take a 15 minute break (those words make him cringe) OR you can stay and work on this problem!!"
Ya, I'll take the break thank you VERY much. I've never been a coffee lover. I love fake kind of coffee's like vanilla latte's and mocha's. But during these breaks I go to the caf for a good ol' drip cof. It makes me have this outer body experience. Super fun.
Cute boys definitely help the school experience. I have made a nice circle of friends, some I believe will be life long friends.
 I just love the statement, " Oh who me? Ya I'm a student."
I haven't been to school for 10 years. I opted to travel the world and make a baby once I graduated high school, so this is a whole new world for me. I always listened to people I work with whine and cry about how they had so much homework, how they could only work one shift because of school. Blah blah blah. Drove me nuts actually. I just always took it as- "I'm better than you because I am a STUDENT." underlining that they will not be a server for life. Serving is a weird thing to me. It is one of the most judged careers, or job they call it, in society. In all actuality, we probably make more money and work half the amount of the person whom we are slaving away to, that is secretly thinking to themselves, 'awww poor girl, single mom server, how sad.' This is not all the reality of it. I go to work for 6 hours, make a shit load of cash, get in my car, come home, wake up with my baby in the morning and she never knew I was gone. It's perfect. However, it's a dirty, dirty lifestyle. It's late, it's greasy, it's shady, and it's a never ending life of dodging smoking and drinking. The people are amazing. Most of all my best friends... wait actually, ALL of my best friends I have met through the industry. It's a personal choice for me to want to get out. I feel like it's as intense as being a drug dealer, tax free-cash. We don't pay for medical because we don't make enough...right??

School and a goal has given me purpose. I need more purpose than being a mommy. I didn't think I did until recently. Once I get my degree maybe that will be enough, maybe I won't even work that much. We all know that by then I will have met my man that lives in a beautiful character home on the sunshine coast, over looking the beautiful water. He will 100% give me the choice if I want to work or not. So i'll make the decision then.
For now, I plug away trying to get A's, so that I can get accepted into university and nursing school.

Deeners and Dani- seems like centuries ago

Tuesday, October 16, 2012

My vision board

Ok so. It's an apparent problem that I actually have no idea what kind of man I want or better yet need.
I figure if I start writing, characteristics will come to mind and I will someday achieve the golden prize.

I was joking with a friend this morning saying that I need a vacation something fierce. I figure sometime in the near or better yet far future when I meet my man the first thing that will fly out of his mouth will be: " Holy shit Jenna, you seem stressed; first things first I am booking you and Luca an all expense paid trip to the bahamas." "Why thank you dream man, I suppose I will give you a ring when we return?"
And yes I said, when we are not joining. Gee heavens I just met you!!!!!

I am OBSESSED with hats. Not all sorts. I would gag and die if you show up on a date with a too small curved brimmed hat that says "Eugene Wildlife Park" on the front. I like a man that can rock a flat brimmed strong man hat. What's your favorite sports team? Don't tell me about it-wear it.
Speaking of sports. No man of mine will not know his sports talk. I pretend slash half know lots about sports. I would be more than happy to host a "Sunday football" game day for you, and all your hot flat brimmed hat wearing friends. My mom has a killer veggie chili recipe.
I guess IDEALY (which really doesn't exist in my world) you should have a career. It's really not on the for-front of my mind, but unfortunately it is important. You cannot be a bartender. Unless you are a special one, with great family morals. YOU must come home straight after your shift. No- "oooops I fell asleep at my "buddies" house after we were watching youtube videos." Ya as if buddy, get the fuck out!
I am attracted to bartenders in an extra ordinary way. It takes an amazing person to be able to man a bar. A funny, intelligent, quick, passionate, charismatic person.
I'm just really not into the lifestyle.
A vehicle. Public transit just doesn't work for me. "Oh I have a rad $500 hipster road bike." Ya sorry. No. How are you going to pick my baby up from daycare in the depths of the winter on your road bike? Peace out.
Style is important to me. I know it might sound shallow, but it's just the way it is. It drives me to drink when I see a beautiful man in disgusting oversized jeans from Bluenotes. Get a grip on reality, no wonder you're single.
My best friend would beg to differ but I love music. I love talking about it, singing to it, dancing in the middle of the night, drunk, with my man to a good oldies tune.
Believe in a family style bed. I co-slept with Luca for 13 months, this is very important to me. We should all be able to sleep on top of each other going all different ways. However it may be, you are not on the couch.
A belief in organic, free-range, mostly meat free healthy living. Ok... ok, I have been know to chow down on a hot dog slathered in fried onions. And my favorite thing in the entire world is A&W. My point is, I am raising Luca to lead a healthy life style. I think family dinner time is crucial to a child's well being. Even though it's the two of us we do it 5 nights a week.
Support me.
Talk about me behind my back. Bitch about me. Love me. Want me. Believe in me.
If you ever lie to me. I will leave you. Even if it's just once.
Love my best friend. Accept our closeness and our love for each other. He is a man, he is beautiful this is never changing.
Love my brother. Ask about him, do research about him, help him. Again- love him.
Camp. I love camping.
I am crazy. It will take an insane person to love me and understand me.
Be on the opposite side of the spectrum from boring.
Have a back bone- a big one. Challenge me. Be mean sometimes. Just please jesus don't bore me.
Have an open mind to paying off the credit card debt I am accruing until I meet you.

I love myself, I love taking pictures. I love instagram. I love babies (and want lots more.) Oh shit how did this turn to be all about me? hmmm...shocking.

Basically I love passion. Passion for anything is a huge turn on. Intelligence is huge. I want my man to be smarter than me. Teach me things. Drive me places. Take care of me. I am so sick and tired of charity cases. I want a real man that has his shit together and is ready to take on a new life. The life of Luca and I.

Please send all candidates to: oh actually don't. I'm totally not ready to meet my husband.

Posting pictures of us for your enjoyment. When I find my man I will add a million pitures of him to my vision board!!!!

Wednesday, October 10, 2012

More things that make me happy:

I basically just LOVE things. I am known for spending Luca's education saving's on things such as:

  • JJ Bean Vanilla latte's- This is a serious addiction. It's an everyday thing now. (I don't work)
  • 'Wish' by Lollia- Eau De Parfum
  • My Sam Edelman booties, thinking of investing in a black pair to go along nicely with my beige ones
  • Fleecy jammies
  • Big sweaters
  • My Cheap Mondays my besty gave me years ago, they still hug my booty the same way they did the day I got them...nice and snug.
I also love the following even more:

  • Fall walks with Luca on the seawall
  • Text messages
  • Boys