Monday, August 20, 2012


Giving my baby, the love of my life, the person I grew in my belly to someone I have never met before sounds like the apocalypse to me.
Obviously when you make an appointment to see a childcare center everything is tickity boo, they have organic carrots and blueberries on the table and you are made to believe this is how it is 24/7. This is not how my house is 24/7 so I know this is not how things run with 4+ children.

I have always been a firm believer in mom staying home, breast-feeding for as long as possible and caring for the children till they are ready to run free. I have been very vocal about this to my friends that this is how I feel and this is how I want to raise Luca. In the care of mom, dad, or nana.
Now, this being said sometimes life takes it's twists and turns and you need a helping hand from basically anyone who can breath. Literally.
The more I thought about it and the more I evaluated Luca and the kind of soul she is, I feel like she is ready to be without me somedays. She is ready for more learning and independence.  I think her going to a daycare a few times a week will be nothing but good for her. Also, it will give me the ability to go to school stress free. Well kinda.

I have decided to take the plunge and enroll myself in full time school for the fall so hopefully one day within the next 75 years I will be a RN. I obviously can't bring missy with me to school so she needs to be somewhere that she can thrive, be safe and happy. I thought this would be tough, but not necessarily impossible. Well.. its seemingly impossible. Wait list after wait list, answering machine after answering machine and two weeks till day 1 of school.
I haven't been putting any negative attention towards not finding something. Actually I haven't been putting much attention towards the subject at all. We've been so busy beach bumming I completely forgot about how urgent this is. I am going to look at a place today, hopefully I get a warm fuzzy feeling about it. Wish us luck!

Luca one day old 

Monday, August 13, 2012


Today I met a wonderful soul. Very rarely do I meet someone and get along with them like a house on fire. Usually it takes several meetings for someone to feel warm towards me. I feel warm and friendly to almost everyone I come across, I would tell a teddy bear my life story if it would listen. But as I said most don't tend to warm to me as fast.
I could have talked to her about hardship, motherhood, love, children etc. etc. etc. for days on end. It was very refreshing.
I LOVE it when new amazing people come into my life. It's such a blessing. I feel people come in just at the time you need each other most. I have always believed that our lives are mapped out. We are following a plan that was written for us. It seems insane to me that my recent chapter in life was planned and written, but I suppose it was. My next chapter is already written, I am waiting for it to unravel and bring me glorious things.
I am taking life day by day. Minute by minute. Enjoying the summer with Luca tremendously, the sun has been out of control amazing. Loving. Loving. Loving.
We are having many late nights, lots of beach time, and too many to count amazing moments for the memory bank.
I am continuing on the confusing road when it comes to the opposite sex. Nothing really makes any sense in my head. It seems as though my brain is full of fog, it's the most bizarre thing ever. When I try to make sense of situations/figure out what I want, I literally draw a blank. It's like I forgot to think. Or forgot what I want and am looking for. Seriously frustrating.
At this point of my life I have to trust in my path and know that I will end up exactly where I should be.