Tuesday, May 15, 2012

When happiness is real:

I got to the place I am now all on my own. I worked long and hard at this. I worked every second of everyday for 1.5 years. I was sad, mad, depressed, confused, outraged and horrified the whole way through it. I was real and true to myself every single step. I didn't lie to me, or anyone.
For a whole year and a half everyday someone would say, "How are you?" and I would say, "shitty." You?  Deep down in my heart (and in my mom's) we knew someday soon I would be saying "fan.fucking.tastic." You?

It took no-one to help me get to the fan.fucking.tastic that I am tonight, today, and yesterday. It took no trip to Central America, it didn't even take waking up with Luca beside me. It took me. It took honesty. I surrendered to every single godforsaken emotion that came into my body; breathed it in, took a huge gulp, absorbed it into every crevice, and spit it back out twice as hard as it came in.

Now I can honestly say that I am better than I have ever been. I am more real and ready than I have ever been. I have space for someone special. I have dreams, I have goals. I am one of the best people I know.

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