Sunday, April 15, 2012

"Till death do us part"

I love this.

I absolutely love this famous sentence.

  Can someone please explain to me why this only happens to 20% of the married population? (That was a guess, not a factual digit).
Please tell me why we aren't understanding or following this "code of ethics" this day in age. Is it money? Stress? Temptation? Marital mistakes? Or is this an unrealistic expectation for most of us to uphold?
Should we be waiting till we are 40 some-odd years old to tie the knot so that we are for sure 100% positive of who we are and what we want?
Is monogamy a thing of the past?

  In my future I see a white, silky, simple, beautiful, wedding dress. I see a huge rock on my left hand. A sandy beach and the man who has been waiting for me his whole life jonesing for the final-be-all-and end all kiss, the kiss that seals the deal that I am his forever.
I see myself screaming "hell motherfu*^ing YES I take you forever, TILL DEATH DO US PART you insanely hot perfect man of MINE."
 Most importantly I see it happening. I see us living and dying with each other. Talking, laughing, and crying the ENTIRE way through it.

 All of  this in my dreamy future.

  In my upbringing I was taught that this doesn't necessarily exist. Recently I have convinced myself that it does. It absolutely one. hundred. percent. exists.


  1. It exists. I found it...and til death do we part, and maybe not even then.

  2. For sure it exists, honey, but it's definately not an easy task or for anyone not up for an endurance race. Marriage is not about happily-ever-after by any stretch of the imagination. With that as an expectation, a marriage is doomed to fail because you will encounter despair and unhappiness time and time again. Long-term committed relattionships are 'works in progress' and you will never be done. You have to have a purpose greater than the two of you that the relationship is about. Uncle Michael and my's purpose is about personal growth. Whenever we have become stagnant, I have wanted to leave. And when we break through, it's glorious, and our relationship deepens more than we can imagine. The wedding is only a small leap into the abyss that is long-term, committed relationship. That's only what gets you started on the journey.

    When both people require themselves to be the best partner for the other, it is possible. When you work to fulfill yourself and your own needs and he does same, and you hold the relationship as a third entity like a child that requires nurturing and loving, it is possible. When you find a way to communicate that is non-shaming and blaming of the other but clearly tells the other what the issue is, it is possible. When you more often expect better of yourself than the other, it is possible. When you have learnned how to listen and put egos aside, it is possible. When you are 100% responsible for the well-being of the relationship, it's possible. When you have clearly defined for yourself what your absolute essentials are in a partner; when you are clear about your values; and that other person shares many of those same values, it is possible. When you have learned how to be the perfect partner rather than expecting the other to be that, it is possible.

    He may even be someone that you least expect to be the perfect partner - he may not be perfectly handsome or be able to deliver the big rock, but you will know to the depth of your heart that you can love this man and he can love you. Character lasts far longer than looks, as yours too will fade.

    Consider the words before the 'til death do us part'. It is the 'love, honouring, and cherishing' part that creates the 'til death do us part'. It absolutely will get hard. You will absolutely want to leave. You will absolutely hit a wall of impossibility time and time again in your relationship. But, where the goodies are is when you allow the storm to pass and recommit to what you're doing together. I also know you will find it because you're open and wanting it. He will come, my love, he will come. In the meantime, practice with your friends and family having 'right relationship'. Be the first to say "I'm sorry"; be the first to tackle the issue head-on with love and kindness - these are where the breakthroughs come.