Wednesday, April 25, 2012

The good life.

Life is amazing right now. I choose to document our every move. Well not [my] every move but the ones that can be shared are shared.


Sunday, April 15, 2012

"Till death do us part"

I love this.

I absolutely love this famous sentence.

  Can someone please explain to me why this only happens to 20% of the married population? (That was a guess, not a factual digit).
Please tell me why we aren't understanding or following this "code of ethics" this day in age. Is it money? Stress? Temptation? Marital mistakes? Or is this an unrealistic expectation for most of us to uphold?
Should we be waiting till we are 40 some-odd years old to tie the knot so that we are for sure 100% positive of who we are and what we want?
Is monogamy a thing of the past?

  In my future I see a white, silky, simple, beautiful, wedding dress. I see a huge rock on my left hand. A sandy beach and the man who has been waiting for me his whole life jonesing for the final-be-all-and end all kiss, the kiss that seals the deal that I am his forever.
I see myself screaming "hell motherfu*^ing YES I take you forever, TILL DEATH DO US PART you insanely hot perfect man of MINE."
 Most importantly I see it happening. I see us living and dying with each other. Talking, laughing, and crying the ENTIRE way through it.

 All of  this in my dreamy future.

  In my upbringing I was taught that this doesn't necessarily exist. Recently I have convinced myself that it does. It absolutely one. hundred. percent. exists.

Tuesday, April 10, 2012

No more ballet bun.

R.a.w. liked my hair the most when I made it look like I was a ballerina.
So everyday till now, especially the dreaded Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday drop off/pick ups I was always a ballerina.

     Not so much anymore. I wore my hair down today and last week without even thinking twice. This to me is a HUGE. DEAL. This means that I, for sure 100%, no questions asked do not love this man anymore.
All this person is to me is a distant memory and a father to my sweet, beautiful baby girl.

     When he buckled Luca in her car-seat today he put a bag of clothes that he had of hers on the floor of my car, gave Luca a smooch and said, "oh her pink pants are in there" when I grabbed the bag and brought it inside I realized it was full of disgusting, rotting, dirty clothes. This made steam blow out of my ears and the words F%C*ING AS**HO%E fly out of my mouth.
 LIKE REALLY? You 8 year old child.
But then I got inside I completely forgot about it, I just let it roll off my shoulders. Something that is literally completely foreign to me.
Six months ago I would have written him either a 20 page text or e-mail  about how much I hated him and couldn't believe he couldn't wash the tupperware or the sandy clothes. "HOW DARE YOU, I LOVED YOU TO DEATH."
Then I would silently remind myself- Uh Jenna? That has nothing to do with the tupperware or the sandy clothes.
 I am looking at other men, not comparing them, and I don't EVER fall asleep thinking about him or wake up thinking of him anymore. 
Needless to say, I am for real happy and I have for real moved on.
What a total effing relief.
Thrilled, absolutely thrilled.

My angry blog postings and my crying over him will last a lifetime, but the constant dread and horrible feelings that I have been drowning in this past year will never come back.
The question I ask you is- How would I ever even dream of letting someone else into my life that could potentially do this all over again to me?
I couldn't. Or could I?

P.s. I will be seen rocking the "ballet bun." For my reasons. Not his.

Sunday, April 1, 2012


Life these days seems simple. It seems easy. I have finally came to peace with the fact that no more babies are coming to me within the next few years and having one is SO easy and so perfect. We are this perfect team of beauties, conquering everyday as it comes. As a single mom you can't leave your babe with the hubby while you "go grab an onion" you bring her with you everywhere ALL THE TIME. This makes for a baby that can, and will do anything, anywhere, anytime.

I am loving the afternoon sunshine, and the tweet tweet of the birds in the morning. I see an amazing future for us.  My dream of becoming a birth doula is getting more and more real every day.
I'm trying to forget about finding love because I know that too will fall into my lap like everything else in my life has.
Things that made me happy this week.

The perfect cup of tea.
My mom.
Luca dancing.