Sunday, March 25, 2012

Springtime. Documented.


Marble slab with Uncle Dan

Grainy. Night night time.

Saturday morning breakfast @ Little nest

Mowing our lawn

Munchies, Jack, and Luca

Ella Lavina & Luca Capri

Just never gets old

Kaliya straight chillin.

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Dating n' things.

I feel like I forgot to write. Or maybe my life is just so boring I can't think of what to write about.
I mean, I guess my life isn't boring per-say, I do have a busy two year old.  My personal life is extremely snail pace B.O.R.I.N.G.  It's like this- "No I don't want to come to you AND your husbands house for dinner, lunch, or breakfast. No I don't want to watch him cook, clean, and play with his children. Why may you ask? Because it makes me want to run my leg over with my next door neighbors lawn mower (I don't have one). I had a chance recently (maybe still do) to move to the burbs to be close to some of my life long friends, all with kids and husbands on a street with no cars, just street hockey and puddles. Always was my goal every since the day I had Luca, move back to suburbia. This just seems foreign to me at this point in my life. My only chance meeting a guy in a place like this is the grocery store, and I really really don't want to take a miserable husband away from his hopeful wife.  That's just not cool.
So I will stay in the city and plan on meeting my man on a Wednesday night.
"Hi! My name is Jenna. Ya so anyways I am looking for a husband, I have a two year old, oh and I want to have two more babies ASAP, and could you please support me through nursing school? Uh hello? Oh what you're not down? Huh weird."
 This is what I'm like, is that why I'm having no luck?
Couldn't be.
 My theory is: I scare 20 guys, but the one guy whom I don't scare will be well worth the 20 scared idiots.

Saturday, March 10, 2012

Jenna Alphenaar, Birth Doula.

Just flows off you tongue doesn't it?

I am on a one way street to becoming a certified birth doula. What is this you may ask?
Birth doula's ideally improve obstetric outcomes and lower intervention rates dramatically. We help with physical and mental comfort measures and emotional support for the expectant mother and father. A birth doula will carry you prenatally into the day the baby arrives. She is generally attuned to a mother's emotional and physical needs, and stays with you the whole duration of the labour. Usually the mother's fear is that she will even step out for a pee. Which we as doula's sometimes have to "hold it for 30 hours." Studies have shown that with a birth doula present the rate of a cesarean section goes down by 50%.

I choose to have a midwife for my birth of Luca, at this time I wasn't educated on what a birth doula was so I was doula-less. My midwife Kat, was a blessing to us. Better than anything I could describe. A doula can be present in a hospital birth with a midwife or a doctor. Or she can be present at a home birth with a midwife. The nurses at St. Pauls were outstanding, I still think about them and how amazing that hospital is all the time. My ending goal is to be a perinatal nurse,  but with the turn of events this past year I have to take my life and my schooling one step at a time.

While I was away on my "getting my spirit back trip" with Luca, I received a message from someone who was just starting up a company called DEME Pre and Postnatal Services. She approached the idea that we meet when I arrived back home to talk about me joining her company as a birth doula. The second I met her and got the jist of the dream she was following, I knew it was a fit for me and before we knew it we were cracking a bottle of cab. to celebrate.
As a pregnant woman the last thing we want to do is search search and search for all our needs. DEME is a one stop shop of local mothers and woman following their dreams.
Have a pop in and see what we are all about.

8 Months pregnant 

Monday, March 5, 2012

This. And. That.

I just stubbed my toe so hard i think I broke my leg all the way up to my hip.

Lots to talk about. I am currently enjoying one of my two favorite times of the day. My number one is when Luca wakes up for the day, and my number two is when she goes down for the night. She comes into bed with me always at some point in the night, so we always wake up together. She turns over and says "Simba, tea" because she LOVES simba and I, of course love tea and sleep walk to the kettle every morning. Then at night she goes down in her own bed very easily, we sing songs then I close her door and walk into an empty house. At this time I normally pop in a piece of toast, check my phone, do some texting, then sit on the couch wondering what to do next till I crawl in bed with a good book. I am normally in dreamland by 9:30.
Life has been... hmmmm I guess interesting lately. Luca just kind of goes without saying, amazing, easy, incredibly lovable and well behaved. As far as I go, I really have no idea how I am doing? My feelings for r.a.w. have slowly. PAINFULLY. Slowly. faded into nothing. Just a distant memory. A good memory. Which is nice. I have not cried over him in a long long time which is so undoubtedly amazing. This month is the year anniversary of when he left. So I think it's time to for real move on.
Time and time again he jabs like 8 thousand knives in my back and time and time again I move farther away from loving him and wanting him to come home. Our home is no longer his home, and never will be.
 I had a life "event" happen to me that I will also never forget which left a big gulp in my throat and a knot in my belly. It's really sticking with me and I have no idea why. When I was in Panama someone that was a friend in my life previously e-mailed me simply asking how I was. It really was no big whoop, but when I saw his name in my inbox I couldn't help but to feel the fluttery feelings that I had the first day that I met him. It was like lust at first site. I even remember what I was wearing the day I met him 4 years ago. Like I said his e-mail was JUST him asking how I was doing and nothing more.
I will keep the details to myself, but I just want to write it down and get it out of my system. This person is incredibly special. INCREDIBLY. He has no idea, like at all. At all, at all, at all, at all how special he is. Not in the way that he is special for me, he's just special. I always knew it.
I'm not sitting here saying "I know this guy so well he's for sure the one for me!" I totally don't know him well at all, but I do know myself extremely well, and I do know my intuition.
It turned into something a little bit more in the following weeks, just a little something more. To me it was more than it was for him, unfortunately. I guess I've never felt this strongly that this was maybe meant to be and just isn't?? Which really makes no sense, so it obviously wasn't. It really sucks because I've had this apartment building on my chest for the last year about r.a.w, now I have something caught in my throat 24/7 about him. If he ever read this, I think he would be thinking "What? Really??????????? Jenna????? REALLY?"
Ya really. Really that's how I feel about it. Period.
He's a stupid IDIOT!!!! HAHAHAHA.
I'm not hung up on this, I've completely moved on and stopped looking at my phone hoping for a changed mind. But I still think about it here and there. Can't help but to wonder everything known to man why he "just isn't down." Oh really cause it didn't seem like you were "on a different page."
Phew I feel better after venting that nonsense.
All in all life is so good. Our days are filled with love always.
My Wednesdays are my "day" Luca is at her dad's and my night is completely free. Always. For the
first, well i guess just recently I hated these nights. I hated not being with Luca I hated that I was free to do what I wanted. I hated that I could go out and strangers wouldn't know that I was a mom.
Since I have been home I have fully 100% embraced "my day."
We as moms need to realize that we are just moms, we are not dead. We are living, beautiful, and some of us young women.
On a Wednesday night you may find me doing one or three of the following.

Drinking wine with the girls.
Eating out with the girls.
Doing shots of jameson on Granville street with the girls. (but I doubt it, ever again)
Eating popcorn at the movie theater.
Staying up late.

Some photos of lately.

Luca and Teddy

Trail of clothing from the door to my room last Wednesday

Just catching up on some gos after playing with shoes for an hour

"The boys"

Luca and our favorite boys playing at the beach.