Luca and I live a pretty cool life.
We live in Vancouver, just outside of the city a little bit, in the lower level of an amazing house. Upstairs live some of our best friends whom have a four year old named Jonah. Him and Luca love each other, she always points at the ceiling begging to go up for a play. They are very respectful of our privacy and our quiet life. Luca is in bed by 7:00 so before we moved in I was very hesitant of a crazy boy living above our heads. Followed my heart, moved in and never looked back. During the breakup it was always nice to know that I, at any hour of the day, had someone to talk to with a fresh buttery bowl of popcorn. We share babysitting duties, which by far is the best thing EVER. Tomorrow Jonah is coming down to be our valentine for the night. We will probably watch a movie, have a cuddle and eat junk food.
We have been keeping ourselves very busy since our arrival home. The dread, sadness and horribleness doesn't really go away when we are out and about, but it fades a bit.
D.B.J, the hunk in our life. Unfortunately this person is a man who likes men. Otherwise we would have been happily ever after 12 years ago. For the better though, as our fights are worse than than the war in Iraq.
He loves Luca like she is his own. He is on a strict mission to find the love of his life so he can follow his dream to be a biological father. I pass him strength, encouragement and DUDE IT IS NOT WHAT IT'S LIKE. To find this person. I hope he finds what he's looking for. Of course not before me, that would just not be a good situation. Hopefully we will find it at the same place and same time.
This week is an absolutely terrible week. A week full of wonder, anger, ANGER, ANGER, dread, sadness, anxiety, and basically any bad word you could ever possibly think of. It's weird I am sitting here typing and the only word I can seem to come up with is anger. How terrible is that? Gross. I am constantly feeling like I am living my life underwater. Sometimes, I float to the top and catch a big breath, but usually the air only lasts a few minutes.
As r.a.w. is sitting on the beach in Cancun with his "love" I sit here thinking and wondering and thinking and thinking and thinking and thinking.
These are the things I know about myself and this is why I know that I will be sitting on the beach with my true love sooner rather than later.
I am a lover, I have nothing but honesty in my soul, I am a mother, I am beautiful, I am fucking smart, I have the courage of a lion, loyalty of an Afghani.
A few things about me I thought you should know.
|Is he "his one" maybe, just maybe.|
|My future popcornaholic just like mommy|
|d.b.j. thinks the white eyes are a sign of a good spirit.|