Monday, January 9, 2012

True Love

My mom always always said to me, no Jen I don't love your dad like I love you and Ty. You love your kids differently and more truly than anyone else ever. I just never understood it. I remember saying really, it's dad, isn't it the same???! She would always say, "you'll understand when you have kids." It's like that day with the subway sandwich, I truly wanted Luca to eat the whole thing even though I was dying passing wanting to kill myself hANGRY. I wanted her to be full and in that I felt full. I remember feeling this "I'll give you my sandwich feeling" with Ryan, I hope I feel that again.  
       I wear a life jacket on a row boat in case I need to save her, I pick up her poo with my bare hands, I rock her to sleep if it takes me 4 hours and a broken arm, I pushed her out my vagina with no drugs  for Christ sakes. We mommas do things that are unimaginable for the non parent. I don't want to sound like one of those people "no no you don't know what its like if you don't have a child" but I'm sorry you don't. This love is like no other love I need, will ever receive or will ever give.  Luca is my one and only for now and I am starting to feel really ok about it. I know I have been blogging about some sticky situations we have been in on our travels. But I would never put her in harms way. Not even close. This experience is going to mold her into a beautiful  human being. She is so trusting of me which will make her into a trusting strong woman. Every wave that slams into her and knocks her over I am always there to swipe her up and help her get the water out of her nose.
Bragging over. Thanks.

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